kingsman_thesecretservice

[He feels the weight of all that emotion pressed to his back and his own following breath is equally as heavy. His tears are all dried up, stolen from him the same way that his mind had been, but it makes the ache in his chest, the tightness in his shoulders, so much more intense. It's almost as if his own feelings are caged inside of him, wanting free, but he doesn't know how to let them out.]

I'm not letting you.

[Bucky grips the arm around his waist, pulls Zevran impossibly closer. He doesn't know where to start, but not talking won't work forever.]

I didn't want to lie to you. [He wanted to go with him. He wanted to leave. Bucky kisses Zevran's hand, eyes squeezed shut.] I didn't.

I know.

[He keeps his sentences short. He knows his voice will crack if he speaks too much and he doesn't want to show how emotional he is. He's been train not to show it, he's surprised that it wasn't completely beaten out of him, but something like this-- someone like Bucky, it is easy to be emotional.]

I'm not upset.

[Not with him anyways. He shifts and moves as close as he can. His chest against Bucky's back and his knees curl into his. He loves the feeling of their bodies together, he's missed this.]

We're free now. [He says that as his voice shakes lightly. He smiles though, and his lips press against Bucky's neck.] We're free, and we are never going back.

[Their freedom wasn't guaranteed, as much as he wanted it to be. He would have to make sure that nobody ever got to either of them again, most definitely not Zevran. They would be cautious and careful, move often and never go back to the same place twice.]

You should be.

[Bucky twines his fingers though Zevran's, rubs his thumb in little lines, and his grip is tight, he can't let go.]

We have to leave soon.

[He missed him and every memory that comes back reminds him of what he'd almost lost forever.]

We have time.

[Between the raid and the leak whatever was left of HYDRA is crippled. but Zevran still new they had to leave at some point. He smiles at the feeling of Bucky's fingers against him.]

You need your strength back.

I'm fine.

[He practically huffs the words out, backing up against Zevran for warmth and comfort. Bucky traces letters in the back of his hand, spelling out things he needs to figure out how to say.]

You feel good.

[It doesn't feel like Zevran is crying any more either. Each tear cuts him, burns his skin, and leaves him exposed and open.]

Edited 2016-10-07 01:59 (UTC)

[He chuckles at that huff. He could argue, but he will just wait and see. He thinks Bucky still needs a few days before anything can happen.]

I know you are, mi leon, just humor me.

[He isn't crying anymore. His cheeks feel tight when he smiles because of the tears that stain his skin. His throat still feels suffocating, but that is all things Zev can deal with. Bucky is here with him. That's all that matters.

When the next comment comes he finds himself nuzzling into Bucky's neck. The expression doesn't leave his face, it only grows lightly confused as Zevran tries to figured out what Bucky is writing in his hand.]

Edited 2016-10-07 20:45 (UTC)

[Bucky's also suddenly wide awake. Alert. Focused. Very aware of how dangerously close they are to him having to confess how he feels. He's not ready yet.]

Gonna shower.

[He waits to move, because he doesn't really want to. Bucky likes it this way, curled up in Zevran's arms. He almost feels safe, almost as if nothing can really get to them here. Bucky rolls until he's sitting again, feet hanging off the bed, hands in his lap.]

Will you come with me?

[He's not asking Zevran to shower with him, just keep him company, unless he wants to do that.]

[Confusion spreads across Zevran's face as Bucky pulls away from him. One moment he seems so content just lying with him, the next he's tense and moving away. Zevran wonders if he is being too forward. He must be, he should have known to keep his hands to himself. His eyes downcast for a moment, thinking about going back to his work when Bucky speaks again. An eyebrow shoots up in surprise.]

With you?

[He had to make sure he is hearing this all right and not just making things up. He sits up, his legs neck to Bucky's. Their knees touch and he smiles.]

I think there is room for two in there.

[Bucky's upper body drops minutely, as if he's exhaling without trying to draw attention to the relief he feels when Zevran agrees to come with him. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want Zevran anywhere he can't see or here him. He doesn't want to be overbearing and needy either.]

Yes.

[He gently taps Zevran's knee with his own, and then stands up. For a moment, he's not sure what he should do. Take his hand and pull him with him or go and hope that he follows. He settles for the latter, but only to give Zevran one last chance to change his mind.

Undressing himself a few steps away, he moves to the bathroom without any modesty.]

[Zevran stands after Bucky takes his first step. He watches as how Bucky moves, carefully examining if he is still in pain or wounded from his last fight. He doesn't notice anything, but his focus is quickly redirected when he see skins and clothes start to shed to the floor. He bites his lip as he stares. The memories of them together in that old house come back to him. Their chests together, his back against the wall, Bucky's hands bruising his thighs--

Snap out of it, Zev.

He has to keep focus and he reminds himself that Bucky isn't in the condition for anything that Zevran is thinking about right now. His eyes avert as his tongue lips his dry lips. He starts to move again when he hears water. At least he can still think about it, he just has to keep his hands to himself.]

[Bucky turns the water on, lets it run until steam curls up and the bathroom floor tiles are slightly warmer under his feet. He has the glass door slid open, but doesn't step in until Zevran comes into the room.]

I thought you weren't coming.

[His teeth worry the inside of his lower lip, and he stares at his feet.]

Will you get in with me?

[Bucky stands still, arms hanging loosely at his sides.]

[Fuck.

Why did he think this would be easy? Of course he can't be alone with his dirty thoughts while Bucky is naked and wet behind frosted glass. He chews on his lower lip. It would be much more difficult to hide his want, but he couldn't say no when Bucky needs him.

He nods his head and starts to pull his hair out of his ponytail. He kneels down and pulls off his boots, unbuckles his belt and pulls off his clothes. He gives Bucky a small smile before he touches the glass next to him.]

You first.

[Waiting until Zevran has finished undressing, Bucky steps into the shower, and reaches around the other to slide the door closed when they're both in. The steam puffs up around them, and he adjusts the temperature so that it doesn't burn them. Bucky moves under the stream of water, tipping his head back, water cascading down and wetting his hair, beading along his throat and chest.

He can relax more when Zevran is here.]

Coлнце.

[His hand is extended. Arm stretched out to urge Zevran closer and closer until Bucky can run the tips of his fingers through his hair.]

[Hearing that name sends him back, to just weeks ago when they decided to take the plunge and back to when Bucky first called him that. He was still learning Russian, he didn't know what it meant. Bucky wouldn't tell him, and he had to find out on his own.

'Incentive.' Bucky had called it with a smirk on his face when he finally figured it out. He never understood why he was seen as such a burning light to Bucky. His nickname for Bucky was easy. Mi leon, his lion, his brave warrior and protector. It is easy to see Bucky as that. It helps that his hair is shaggy enough to be a mane at this point.

He feels his heart skip a beat as the steam comes between them and he finally takes his hand to draw closer. He is careful still, not making the first move and following only when Bucky allows him too.]

How much do you remember?

[If he's calling him that, he must be getting better...he hopes.]

[Bucky tips his head to the side, mulling over everything that he remembers, counting up the spaces that are filled with nothing. It's not everything, nowhere near close to what would make him comfortable and please Zevran, but it's enough to know that he has a name for him. More than that, why he chose that particular name.

He runs his fingers down his jaw then.]

I remember you.

[The tips of his fingers trace over the marks on Zevran's face.]

Even when I don't remember, I see your face in my mind. All this light hair, and how you'd smile at me. [Bucky exhales, shakily.] It pushes back the fog and darkness. I forget and you're still there. I don't know you, but you're always in here.

[Zevran doesn't realise he has been holding his breath, until a shakey exhales leaves him when Bucky finishes speaking. He never knew that Bucky remembered him after all that torture. He thought they always had to start over or wait until his mind healed enough for him to realise it. Never would he have dreamed that Bucky remembered the moment they saw one another. It's romantic.

He licks at lips before he comes under the water with Bucky and leans into the hand at his face. He's warm, warmer than he can remember. It might be because of the water, or just that there are two people in here now. He likes to settle with idea that he's warm because things are coming back to him, he's getting better, and Zevran will never let him be cold again.

He smiles.]

I'll smiles all the time if it brings you back to me, mi leon.

[Bucky's smile is a slow bloom- barely there, a hint of a curve to his lips, but his eyes are slightly wider. The awe he feels at Zevran's smile is shown in his expression. Fond, almost disbelieving, Bucky curls his hand around the back of Zevran's neck.]

Mi leon.

[He wanted to hear it too. To know why this other man looked at him the way he did when Bucky was only responsible for causing him pain. For hurting him. He rubs his thumb in slow circles, and he blinks to clear the water from his eyelashes.]

Why do you call me that?

[Zevran reaches for the hand at his side, the metal hand, and holds it gently. His thumb smooths over the plates and hinges as he thinks. He doesn't have some deeper, romantic meaning like Bucky did. He had been calling him leon before he even knew his name. Back when he was just the soldier and his mentor. And then the soldier told him his name, but the nickname stuck, even into adulthood. He felt somewhat silly for sticking with this name for so long even. His smile becomes lopsided, bashful even as his eye glance at the tile behind Bucky's head.]

I mean...it's not that difficult. Lions are strong, they fight.

[It was easy to see the soldier as a lion. It wasn't until they started to connect, and Bucky began to risk more and more for Zevran that he realized that this lion could do more.]

There was a book I was allowed to read when I was a young. It had a lion in it. He was a warrior, he protected people he cared for, even died them.

[Just like how Bucky tried to take him away from all this, protected him, and made him strong enough to survive. That's when he became his lion.]

You've always been a lion to me, it just took me time to figure out that you were mine.

[Bucky didn’t want a romantic and deeper meaning, he only wondered where the sweet name had come from, and why Zevran had chosen to call him that. To Bucky, everything that the other man says is exactly what he needed to hear right then and there.]

Yours?

[He tips in and presses his cheek to Zevran’s. His lips tremble as he kisses the soft patch of damp skin below his ear.]

I never want to forget you again.

[His hands ride lower and lower until they settle on Zevran’s hips and the small of his back.]

If we’re careful, they’ll never find us. Promise me that you’ll always be careful.

[Desperation is second to Bucky’s guilt. It’s an emotion he knows well.]

[Zevran closes his eyes and sighs in content at the feeling of Bucky's hands on his hips, his back, and lips on his skin. He's been craving his touch and attention since he left him. Now that he has it he feels as if he could cry, but he doesn't.

It's real. He keeps telling himself. It's all real, this isn't a dream. Bucky is here with him, they are free, and they can be happy. His hands skim up his arms and wrap around his neck. He buries his face against the skin of his neck and just stands there, enjoying his lover's presence and the heat from both his body and the water.]

I promise. [His face nuzzles against his neck. His lips press against his skin in feather light caresses.] I have a plan for us, to gets us out of the country and somewhere safe.

Where will we go?

[Bucky's tense again. The warmth of the water and the soft caresses aren't enough to distract him for long from the danger that moving presents. It's dangerous to stay in one place for too long, but moving puts them out in the open, gets more eyes on them.]

Let's not talk about it right now.

[He slips a hand down between them, metal fingers curling around Zev's cock without any hesitation.]

Later.

[Bucky remembers this. The tightness of Zevran's body around his own, the press of his thighs, how his fingers had left bruises on his hips. It was quick and fast and rough, and Bucky wants to take his time now. He wants to kiss and lick every drop of water off his tan skin.]

[He's about to answer when he finds himself biting the tip of his tongue. The feeling of the smooth metal around him is enough to make him shudder. The metal is warm from being under the water, not like their last meeting with the cold air. His jaw loosens and a moan escapes through his throat.]

Bucky-

[His thoughts are swimming. He wants more, so much more. He has missed this man greatly, to the point that it has physically ached him as he lied awake at night. He wants to keep going, to have them both tangled in each other and not let go again, but there is a little voice in the back of his head telling him to stop.

You're selfish. It's tells him as his dick grows hard under Bucky's touch. Bucky needs rest, he needs time to heal, he is just now remembering things. It isn't time for this yet-- or well that's what the little voice is starting to make him think. You're terrible. He hears echoing in his head when his fingers tangle into Bucky's hair and he pulls his lion in for a kiss. He parts his lips and his tongue skims over Bucky's lower lip before he gives a small nip. The kiss is slow, needy, and displays just how much Zevran has missed him. It doesn't last for long though. The voice gets the better of him and he parts from Bucky, the conflict obvious on his face.]

We don't have too.

[His hands go to Bucky's neck, his thumbs caressing either side of his jaw.] You need rest.

[Bucky's hand stills, frowning down at Zevran. His lower lip still tingles from the bite, and his head is spinning from the need slowly enveloping him.]

I thought -

[His shoulders hunch inward, and he drops his arms back to his side.]

I shouldn't have.

[He lowers his eyes, reaching for the soap so that he can begin to wash himself. Bucky had thought he was reading Zevran correctly. That he wanted Bucky too, and that the memories he had of them together meant that he'd be okay with Bucky needing this. He was wrong and it's fine. They can shower and after, if Zevran wants, he might hold him again.]

No.

[He speaks softly as he tilts Bucky's face so he can look him in the eyes.]

Tell me. Don't keep anything from me.

[It's funny how he is surrounded by water right now, and yet his throat and lips still feel dry. The reaction isn't what he had wanted, then again he did just tell him to stop. The last thing he wants is for Bucky to feel insecure.]

I want you, mi leon. [His fingers carefully slide up and through his dark locks.] More than anyone in this world. I just...[He feels the burning in his eyes again. He's glad they are in the shower.] I'm selfish. I'm needy. I can't stop thinking about you, and us, and--

[And it's not the time. Bucky needs to heal. He needs to get better before they can move forward with their new lives. But Zevran is selfish and impatient.] I just don't want you to think that this is all I want.

[Meeting Zevran's eyes hurts. It's like looking into the sun and not deserving the warmth.]

I'm taking advantage of you. I asked you to come in here with me. I didn't ask for more.

[It was dishonest and it was the problem. What was happening between them couldn't be based on lies or small untruths. Zevran deserved so much better.]

I know it's not.

[He tips his head to kiss Zevran's palm, let's his lashes flutter shut.]

If it was only sex, we wouldn't be together right now. [He reaches out again, drags the other man closer, kisses his forehead, each cheek, the tip of his nose.] I can sleep around you. Really sleep.

Don't you get what that means?

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