[2 years have passed. Probably two of the quickest he has ever experienced. Maybe because of all the things he actually did; escaped Hydra, found Bucky, ran away with him, and started a life together in Europe. It wasn't perfect, but it was theirs. It was something better than what they had. It was still stressful, always on the move and never in one place for too long. They couldn't risk being found out. Zevran was fine with the life of a vagabond, the life was his and it meant that he could be near the man he loved.
Until one day it all changed, Zevran will never forget that day. It had been cold, they just entered Romania in the back of a van. That was a familiar scene. They had barely settled into the shitty place they were renting when somehow they started to fight. Bucky had been acting so strange, so quiet and detached from him. Zevran wasn't sure what he did to deserve it, but nothing made sense after Bucky said he didn't love him. Then the yelling came, and it ended with Bucky leaving and Zevran in tears as he waited by the door the morning after-- waiting and waiting for him to come home. But he didn't and Zevran had to accept that.
The scene still played at night when he lied awake, more so now that he knew Bucky had planned it all. Only weeks later did the news get out about where the Winter Soldier was and all that mess began. Zevran knew he did that to keep him out of it, but it still stung. He wasn't sure if he should go out and look for Bucky. He knew he was out there, the military was still looking for him, but that would be difficult. The Winter Soldier wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be. So he stopped looking and kept on with his life, as lonely as it was, until a woman from Wakanda came to him and told him that Sergeant Barnes needed him.
He almost said no. Bucky didn't want him. Surely he would have tried to get in contact with him after the dust from the so called 'civil war' settled. He didn't though, it was clear that Bucky wanted nothing to do with him. He started to wonder if maybe his wounding words had some sort of truth to them.
Against better judgement he followed. He sat in some little dirt hut wondering how in the world this place of farmers could have helped Bucky. None of his questions were answers because as soon as he saw the man, he sent a right hook to his jaw. It hurt Zevran's hand more than Bucky though. And that's where he finds himself right now. In some field with sheep bleeping around as he holds his still throbbing hand.
[Bucky understood that the choices he made would have consequences that were beyond what he could imagine. Other people, especially, would think and feel a certain way regardless to how careful he might be. There wasn't anything he could do about that but he thought of it anyway. Of what Zevran would think of him, after what he'd said and how he'd left. Most of all, he couldn't shake how much he missed him. They'd been together for so long. Zevran the only light in his life. He gave that all up to keep him safe and he had to remind himself constantly that it was worth the loss.
He'd known trouble was coming his way and he did the only thing he knew to do, he made sure that Zevran wouldn't follow and he ran. Steve crashed back into his life. Hydra. A Wakandan king. He'd been used as bait and then, a kind man had taken him in. He could have reached out to Zevran then but he couldn't get the looks off all their faces - Steve, Tony, Natasha - out of his head when they'd said those damn words and he'd attacked.
Not his choice. Still him. He'd almost forgotten how easy it was to take control of him and he couldn't go back to Zevran knowing that. So he told T'Challa and Shuri what they needed to know and went under the ice again. Only contact Zevran if his mind was cleared and he was better. Waking up hadn't been easy, not this time. The process was longer and he was fuzzy, in and out of consciousness. Then he was well enough to start recovery - placed in a hut far away from any trouble. Healed while getting to know his neighbors, the kids who called him white wolf.
Then he was here. And he hit him. A clean punch right to his jaw.]
[Zevran heard him speak, but he doesn't say anything in return. Damn right he deserved that. His mind races now as he stares off into distance. He watches as the sunsets over the high mountains. His pounding heart starts to ease in his chest. The anger that he felt has ebbed and died down, and is now replaced with something else. He isn't sure exactly what. It almost felt like relief.
Relief that Bucky is okay, and maybe a little relief that he knows the mistake he made. He doesn't need to explain his anger.]
You left.
[He finally speaks and it's barely above a whisper. He frowns heavily as his fist tear at the grass under him.]
[He felt guilty for leaving Zevran. He missed him. He knew what it did to him to go the way he had, the words that he'd used so convincingly. But Bucky did what he had thought was right. Zevran shouldn't be made to suffer for his actions as the Winter Soldier.]
I didn't want to go. You have to know that.
[Bucky turns to face the setting sun, eyes flitting over the landscape. It was beautiful here. Peaceful and he was so so exhausted.]
They triggered me. I hurt people. Just like I had worried that I would.
[The fear had become reality. Something that Zevran had known Bucky was afraid of happening.]
I know. [He chews his lip. He knows that Bucky is right. He's always right when he makes those tough decisions. He didn't blame him the first time it happened, and he certainly couldn't now that he knew exactly why.]
Just let me be upset. For a moment.
[He takes a deep exhale, his shoulders quake as the air leaves his lungs. His body leans back, until he falls against the grass and stares at the twlight sky.]
I thought you didn't want me. [He finally says after a moment of silence.]
[Bucky wouldn't do that. Everyone had a right to feel what they wanted, when and how they had to. He needed Zevran to know his side of the story but he'd never take away his chance to cope and adjust to the news.]
I had to tell you and I did. [He slowly lowers himself to the grass. Nearby but not close enough to touch.] Take your time. And if.. you decide you don't want me or to stay, they'll take you wherever you wanna go.
[He shakes his head.]
I'll always want you. Even when you deserve better than me.
[This is a lot to take in. Being dropped off in the middle of a 3rd world country, finding out that the love of his life had been hiding there, and that everything that had happened before this was just to protect him.
He wants to be upset, but it's very difficult.
He is silent now as his breathing goes back to a normal pace. His heart isn't racing anymore, but his chest still feels as tight as it did. He hears the sound of dry grass behind him, and shifting leaves. He remains quiet and Bucky speaks, is brow furrows when he is done.]
Where would I go? [He asks after a moment of silence falls between them. He shifts now, so that they are both facing one another. Zevran is nearly taken aback by the thought of it, and the sight of his love so close to him once again. He feels his eyes start to sting as his chest flutters once more.] My home is in front of me.
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no subject
Until one day it all changed, Zevran will never forget that day. It had been cold, they just entered Romania in the back of a van. That was a familiar scene. They had barely settled into the shitty place they were renting when somehow they started to fight. Bucky had been acting so strange, so quiet and detached from him. Zevran wasn't sure what he did to deserve it, but nothing made sense after Bucky said he didn't love him. Then the yelling came, and it ended with Bucky leaving and Zevran in tears as he waited by the door the morning after-- waiting and waiting for him to come home. But he didn't and Zevran had to accept that.
The scene still played at night when he lied awake, more so now that he knew Bucky had planned it all. Only weeks later did the news get out about where the Winter Soldier was and all that mess began. Zevran knew he did that to keep him out of it, but it still stung. He wasn't sure if he should go out and look for Bucky. He knew he was out there, the military was still looking for him, but that would be difficult. The Winter Soldier wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be. So he stopped looking and kept on with his life, as lonely as it was, until a woman from Wakanda came to him and told him that Sergeant Barnes needed him.
He almost said no. Bucky didn't want him. Surely he would have tried to get in contact with him after the dust from the so called 'civil war' settled. He didn't though, it was clear that Bucky wanted nothing to do with him. He started to wonder if maybe his wounding words had some sort of truth to them.
Against better judgement he followed. He sat in some little dirt hut wondering how in the world this place of farmers could have helped Bucky. None of his questions were answers because as soon as he saw the man, he sent a right hook to his jaw. It hurt Zevran's hand more than Bucky though. And that's where he finds himself right now. In some field with sheep bleeping around as he holds his still throbbing hand.
Damn that man.]
no subject
He'd known trouble was coming his way and he did the only thing he knew to do, he made sure that Zevran wouldn't follow and he ran. Steve crashed back into his life. Hydra. A Wakandan king. He'd been used as bait and then, a kind man had taken him in. He could have reached out to Zevran then but he couldn't get the looks off all their faces - Steve, Tony, Natasha - out of his head when they'd said those damn words and he'd attacked.
Not his choice. Still him. He'd almost forgotten how easy it was to take control of him and he couldn't go back to Zevran knowing that. So he told T'Challa and Shuri what they needed to know and went under the ice again. Only contact Zevran if his mind was cleared and he was better. Waking up hadn't been easy, not this time. The process was longer and he was fuzzy, in and out of consciousness. Then he was well enough to start recovery - placed in a hut far away from any trouble. Healed while getting to know his neighbors, the kids who called him white wolf.
Then he was here. And he hit him. A clean punch right to his jaw.]
I deserved that.
[And more.]
no subject
Relief that Bucky is okay, and maybe a little relief that he knows the mistake he made. He doesn't need to explain his anger.]
You left.
[He finally speaks and it's barely above a whisper. He frowns heavily as his fist tear at the grass under him.]
You left me again.
no subject
[He felt guilty for leaving Zevran. He missed him. He knew what it did to him to go the way he had, the words that he'd used so convincingly. But Bucky did what he had thought was right. Zevran shouldn't be made to suffer for his actions as the Winter Soldier.]
I didn't want to go. You have to know that.
[Bucky turns to face the setting sun, eyes flitting over the landscape. It was beautiful here. Peaceful and he was so so exhausted.]
They triggered me. I hurt people. Just like I had worried that I would.
[The fear had become reality. Something that Zevran had known Bucky was afraid of happening.]
no subject
Just let me be upset. For a moment.
[He takes a deep exhale, his shoulders quake as the air leaves his lungs. His body leans back, until he falls against the grass and stares at the twlight sky.]
I thought you didn't want me. [He finally says after a moment of silence.]
no subject
[Bucky wouldn't do that. Everyone had a right to feel what they wanted, when and how they had to. He needed Zevran to know his side of the story but he'd never take away his chance to cope and adjust to the news.]
I had to tell you and I did. [He slowly lowers himself to the grass. Nearby but not close enough to touch.] Take your time. And if.. you decide you don't want me or to stay, they'll take you wherever you wanna go.
[He shakes his head.]
I'll always want you. Even when you deserve better than me.
no subject
He wants to be upset, but it's very difficult.
He is silent now as his breathing goes back to a normal pace. His heart isn't racing anymore, but his chest still feels as tight as it did. He hears the sound of dry grass behind him, and shifting leaves. He remains quiet and Bucky speaks, is brow furrows when he is done.]
Where would I go? [He asks after a moment of silence falls between them. He shifts now, so that they are both facing one another. Zevran is nearly taken aback by the thought of it, and the sight of his love so close to him once again. He feels his eyes start to sting as his chest flutters once more.] My home is in front of me.